About us

About Us

 

Hey- we’re Desired State, a UK-based feminist organisation that offers education (and encourages activism) around the very misunderstood topic of female sexual desire.

 

Our Philosophy

“Half of women have a low sex drive. So maybe the problem isn’t women- it’s our view of sexuality”– Sarah Barmak

We got fed up of hearing the same old story of women in long term relationships whose desire for sex fades and then feel like there’s something wrong with them. 

So, we’re here to change it!

Our philosophy at Desired State sets us apart because we believe that *it makes total sense* why so many women experience fading desire in a Long Term Relationship.

That’s because we’ve all been given the wrong information about how desire works, especially for women (thanks sexism!).

And way too often we look at a dip in desire as something that is a problem with the individual (yawn)- instead of normalising it, and looking at it in the context of what’s going on in our lives, bodies, relationships and the sex we’re having.

Join us to revolutionise the conversation!

Our Mission

Our mission is threefold:

1. To raise awareness of accurate (feminist) science on sexual desire.

Through our  sexuality workshops, online platform, courses and coaching we want to increase women’s knowledge of their sexual selves, and should they choose to, provide them with actionable tools and options to unlocking their own sexual desire.

2. To transform conversations about sex within relationships.

We don’t want anymore women to put up with crummy sex to keep the peace, experience bad/boring/painful sex, or to endure sexual coercion and pressure. By changing the way people understand low female sexual desire we will help couples have better sex, navigate a dry spell together, and reduce conflict about sex.

3. To change the way we all talk about and understand ‘low sex drives’.

Through education, campaigns and community based activism we want to remove the silence around low desire, eliminate the shame and ensure everyone knows the truth about how desire works.

Our Story

We began with one woman’s search for a better sex drive.
 

Our founder (Laura) realised that there are very few resources for women experiencing low sexual desire available. The most visible information that she did find was largely unhelpful. Much of it was either:

  • medicalised (dysfunction disorders anyone?)
  • simplistic (“because of stress”)
  • odd (you’re not drinking enough sex coffee or eating enough brocolli) 
  • or felt kind of scary (see a sex therapist! Take a pink pill!).

Fewer still addressed why this issue is SO common for women.

The great stuff she did find was spread across numerous websites and in different corners of books, and there was nowhere that pulled together all the good work that is out there for women to easily access.

So, to remedy this- Desired State was created.

And a journey to find one sex drive expanded into a mission to help every woman lead a life that is pleasure filled, sexually empowered and sensually vibrant.
 

About Us

We got fed up of hearing the same old story about women in long term relationships whose desire for sex fades- and then thinks there’s something wrong with her. 

So, we’re here to change it!

Take a look at our mission to find out more.

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