Sex is all about sensation.
But for many of us it’s common to feel disconnected from your body, and numb to touch or feeling.
This can shut down your potential to experience pleasure and desire, yet it’s something we don’t often talk about!
We spend so much time “doing” that it’s hard to swap to “feeling”, which means we often feel disconnected from our bodies and fail to pick up on sensations of pleasure or arousal, leaving us in a vicious cycle of being stuck inside our own minds.
Women are also taught to disown their bodies. Our shapes are judged for being too big, too small, too flat or too curved. We’re disconnected from powerful parts of our body like our hips, where our sexuality resides, and we’re not encouraged to really explore or express ourselves through movement despite it being the oldest form of communication.
We have beautiful bodies that are begging to be used to express our sexuality, and for many women the key to unlocking their desire is to get back in touch with and really learn how to inhabit them again (or for the very first time!).
Come back home to yourself.
Below are 11 ways to connect to your body and reawaken it to the sensations of sexuality, which can help you easily focus on and recognise feelings of arousal when we’re having sex.
Find the freedom to move, feel and love the body you own!
#11 ways to awaken your body to desire:
Take part in particular exercises that works on opening up and moving your hips. This includes activities like belly dancing and yoga that encourage you to move sensually and gracefully. It’s AMAZING to help you develop a knowledge and appreciation of your body and how it moves, as well as increase your fitness levels. You might surprise yourself on how great you look- especially if you struggle with being confident about your body.
Practise mindfulness. Although mindfulness is traditionally about the mind, it can also be a really great way of focusing in on the body and on different sensations. It can help train your brain to stay more present, and to be less judgemental about if your thoughts do stray. You could try doing body scans, or, try this great video by Irene Fehr about how to be present. I also love this great resource from Cat Meyer on 6 ways to drop down into your body and our of your head free e-book.
Get in touch with your senses. The more disconnected we become from our bodies, the more stimulus is needed to get turned on. So “re-sensitising” yourself (as advocated for by Tara O) is a great way to tune into sensation. Similar to mindfulness above, becoming aware of your senses is key to connecting to your sexuality. Sex is all about sensation! So practising during your day to day life on becoming more aware of touch, taste, smell, sound, can all help ramp up your ability to “feel” during sex later on. You can use things like chocolate meditations, or simply the feel of your fingers brushing lightly over your skin. The softer you do so the more your attention leans in, meaning it becomes easier to zoom in to your bodily sensations. Esther Perel has some BEAUTIFUL questions to ask yourself about your relationship to sensuality in this post.
Use your breath. This sounds a bizarre tip, but learning how to breathe deeply can really help with relaxing into sex in the moment, as well as encouraging you to become much more aware and connected to your body. Try to pause and breath deeply into your body a few times a day, bringing your attention to whatever you’re feeling.
Start doing kegels. These exercises will not only help you with childbirth and later life, but the actual activity itself will help you focus your attention on your vulva and increase your connection and sensation. To find out more about using kegels to turn yourself on, click here.
Use Sensate touch therapy: this might be a tip you want to come back to after you’ve visited the section of the blog on relationships, depending on whether you’re currently having sex or not, but if you trust your partner and feel your relationship is in a good place, then this exercise is great. Its about your partner using sensitive touch to turn you on without the goal of becoming aroused. There are some great instructions here or here. Pleasurable touches mean you enjoy the journey rather than the destination 😉
Learn about the cycles of your body– things like periods can have a huge impact on your mood and desire
Learn about chakras. There are seven chakras or energy centres in the body, and the one associated with sexuality is the sacral chakra located just underneath the naval/in line with the ovaries. If you’re into energy and want to understand how to remove blockages, working with releasing this chakra can help.
Give yourself a breast massage- this is an ancient ayurvedic technique which many women swear by. It has lots of health benefits, however here the idea is more massage as an act of self-care, reconnecting with the body, worshipping the breasts and activating your sensuality. Layla Martin is a huge advocate of this and has a tutorial available here.
Look at and reconnect with your vagina- bringing in self-touching is a powerful act (see below), however even just looking at your vulva is SO important to help you explore your own sexuality and body. Find out why you should look at your vagina here.
The final tip to reconnect with your body is to start touching yourself. It’s a great way of getting to know what feels good, and how you like to be touched. Don’t worry if you have no desire to touch yourself- this is normal too. Only do what you feel comfortable with. If you’d be more comfortable with a partner (or it can be done along!) giving yourself a pussy massage is a brilliant way of being touched without pressure to get aroused or have sex.
The more you can practise these tips on a regular basis the easier it becomes to feel connected to your body.
Do you think these tips might work for you? Do you feel connected to your body? Comment below.