When was the last time you kissed your partner?
I mean a full on, passionate snog like there’s no tomorrow?
I’ll wager that it’s not recently, or frequency.
Do you remember the last time you kissed just for kissings sake?
To explore each other, to caress, for pleasure.
I’ll be willing to bet you don’t.
But, I promise you, this really is your best secret weapon in the fight against a low sex drive.
This, or maybe therapy. But, you know, snogs are free and healthier so, you know….
It’s fairly straightforwards, I’ll show you how….
Start snogging their face off.
I mean it.
Like you did when you first got together.
Press up against them in the kitchen.
Do all the fun snoggy moves you used to do back when kissing was a thing you did just because you wanted to.
Flicker your tongue over their lips.
Kiss hard, kiss softly.
Kiss for long, and then walk away leaving them wanting more.
Kiss them in the shower, in the garage, in the supermarket.
Don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks. Make out like your life depends on it.
How will this help?
Firstly, it’s about reconnecting in a way that you did when you first began your relationship.
It’s increasing the affection and attraction between you, helping you remember to have fun, to play, to build the anticipation and bring back the spark. This great Stylist article explains how kissing changes in a long term relationship, which demonstrates how bringing back snogging is a great way of rekindling desire!
Secondly, you might find that the only time you snog is in the build up to/when you’re having sex.
So kissing comes with expectation.
Kissing, touching, even a look, means a request for sex is coming.
And if you’re stuck in a sexual avoidance cycle, there’s likely pressure and potential conflict that’s built up around sex.
So you might avoid physical contact in an attempt to circumvent any requests for sex. Meaning physical affection doesn’t exist much outside of the bedroom.
So the idea behind this is to cut the link between physical affection and the expectation of sex.
Instead, you snog because you want to feel close, to express care, to feel pleasure, to have fun. And sometimes to suggest desire.
HOWEVER- I’d recommend if you’re experiencing the second issue ONLY bringing in snogging in conjunction with the advice in this post on taking sex off the table. This is because where there’s avoidance of sex there feels like very little control (e.g. you either give in or reject). So it’s about empowering you first and allowing time for your desire to unfold.
What do you think about snogging in a relationship and how its presence might mean a better sex drive?