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Many women (about 70%) have a more “slow burn” approach to having sex.

This is what is known as “responsive desire”- which essentially means that you might find that quite often you lack desire for sex until AFTER you’ve been warmed up a bit through kissing, touching etc.

If that’s the case (and you’re anything like me), you might find that although once you’ve had sex you’re glad you did and you ended up having a great time… the beginning wasn’t so fun. And sometimes it took quiiiiiiite a while of kissing/cuddling etc before my motivation for sex fully kicked in.

But that can be tough, right, when you’re trying to get in the mood and are struggling to get turned on?!

However- never fear…. Below are some of my tried and tested tips and tricks below to help you get in the mood for sex quicker!

They work because they recreate that turned on state you feel when you have sex and so trick your mind and body into being aroused.

So if you know you work in a more responsive way to desire, I hope these tips can help you when you’re struggling to get turned on too!

*FYI:  NO-ONE should be having sex that they don’t want to have, that hurts, feels uncomfortable, or just because someone else wants to. These tips should be used when you KNOW you want to have sex because you’ll enjoy it once you get into it, not because you’re doing it for a partner or being coerced into it. Please use them wisely*


Tip one: the back arch

When lying horizontally on your back, arch your back so your pelvis tilts forwards and stick out your breasts.

It works because that’s the position you’d make when he goes down on you and you bend for him to get better access, as well as what happens when you orgasm. Your boobs are on show, and theres just something really sexy about a back arch 🙂

Tip two: the toe curl

Same as the above- just keep curling your toes, almost pulsating them, and use in conjunction with tips one and four- it mimics what your body would do when you orgasm and gets you back into your body rather than your mind.

Tip three: lube is your friend!

Use lube- glorious lube. Lube again recreates what your vagina would be doing if you were turned on, allows for easier access, and tricks you into thinking you’re horny. Genius!

Tip four: kegels

This is about faking it until you make it!

Squeeze the heck out of those kegels lady, but do it in lovely waves. Soon you’ll start to become super aware of whats going on downstairs, and then it’s a one- way ticket to turn-on town….

Tip five: sense-ational

Get the music pumping! Brain waves associate pleasure with sound, so whack on the tracks that make you feel most sexy.

You could also light some candles, incense, spray a bit of your favourite perfume on or his after shave. Close your eyes and smell… let it take you back to when you first met, or a time you had sex and it was great.

Tip six: learn to associate one object with pleasure.

If all else fails, you can trick yourself into kick starting your sexual response by learning to associate one object with pleasure.

For example, a vibrator that you know using it is a surefire way of making you orgasm.

You can do the same with anything- a nightie, a pair of pants, a whip, a song…. whatever floats your boat!

We also love this insta post by Gabrielle Kassell:

Do you have any other tips or tricks to help you get turned on quickly? Comment below.