Recommended resources

recommended resources sex drive books

This page has ALL of our carefully collected resources to read, watch or listen to about desire.

We believe Desired State is the only place you can find this much information on female sexual desire from such a wide range of sources. 

I *so* hope that they can mean as much to you as they do to me, as they all come highly recommended. Do pop us an email if you have any questions about any of them, or if there’s anything you found useful let us know in the comments as we’d love to add it to the list!

Some are also affiliate links- please check out our affiliate policy here to understand more about what this means. 


The BEST books available to help you understand desire and how to reclaim it….

This book is THE BIBLE around female sexuality (and desire in particular). Come As You Are will help you if you’re looking for a deep dive into desire, and especially if you’re looking for something really introductory into the subject area.

Learn about the new science of female desire, which much of this site is based on. Emily Nagoksi will talk you though how most women’s levels of desire is normal (and how it works differently) because of the what is known as responsive and impulsive desire. You’ll also learn about your sexual accelerators and brakes in this must read book on female sexuality and desire.

Mind the Gap is another book that everyone should read. It’ll help if you’ve been feeling ashamed, guilty and/or alone in experiencing low desire and want an overall guide to what desire is and how to cultivate it.

A complete guide to desire, including a huge section devoted to societal attitudes towards sex and how they affect our want for sex- this book will open your eyes to how the issue with low desire isn’t located with the woman but rather within the relationship and in the gap between how we think we should be, and how we are.

This is one to purchase for the loved ones in your life!

If you find yourself distracted during sex, and the constant mental chatter is making it hard for you to enjoy sex, this book is for you.

Dr Lori Brotto is an expert in female sexuality, and this groundbreaking book is a mixture of practical exercises and the science behind why mindfulness is so powerful in helping us stay present during sex to experience more pleasure and satisfaction in our sex lives.

Esther Perel is a brilliant Belgian psychotherapist who writes in this book about the importance of our relationships to our sex lives. If you’ve been struggling with attraction to your partner, or at a loss of how to create that spark again, this book will help. Chiefly, in increasing your understanding of how the idea of owning our partner (and everything that goes with modern domesticity) can wreak havoc on our desire.

Learn more about the erotic and how imagination and “sizzle” is key to stoking desire in this very recommended book by clicking below.

Books about female sexuality that I really enjoyed/might also be useful….

Healing from sexual shame/trauma…

TED Talks

Some great listens that focus on female sexuality…


Sexology (2016)- film

This film (if you can get past the cheesiness of it and the two presenters) is a really insightful, tender exporation of female sexuality. It follows two american women and their search to reconnect with their sex drives. Its an hour and a half- watch it alone or with the girls, some popcorn, a pinch of salt, and enjoy. For those of you who are sneaky enough to want a pirate copy, maybe you could check this page out just incase you might find a copy hiding around in there. Not that I’m condoning video piracy  or anything…..


Sex Explained- Netflix (2020)

This series is narrated by Janelle Monae- whats not to love? Although not strictly about desire it gives an interesting account of sexuality generally and is well worth a watch!


Some great listens that focus on female sexuality…

Free courses

Courses online that cost nothing and are brilliant for understanding more about female sexuality and libido…. (*I also offer Discover Desire as a FREE course*)

Paid courses

Courses from other sex therapists that focus on female sexuality…


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