We are proud of our approach towards female desire because we believe it sets us apart from so many other sites about increasing libido.
So, here’s who we are and the core values that guide us around sex, sexuality and desire…
About this site
Our story began with one woman’s search for a better sex drive, and expanded into a mission to help every woman lead a life that is pleasure filled, sexually empowered and sensually vibrant.
Having no desire for sex (or fluctuating levels) is not only totally NORMAL/OK/FINE AND DANDY.
It also makes PERFECT sense when you look at the barriers and lack of understanding around female sexuality.
(Click here to read more about why taking this stance- and busting myths- on female desire is *so* important).
So, to remedy this- Desired State was created.
Desired State is the only platform dedicated solely to helping women connect to their sexual desire.
It’s a collection of all of the best tips, techniques and tools to improve desire from the research I’ve done, advice from the experts in the field, as well as my own experience, to make a go-to space for women who’ve experienced a dip in their desire.
We want to highlight and signpost to the best women working in this field and shout about their work!
We also bust myths around desire, sex and female pleasure. This is important work to increase all women’s access to great sex and relationships with their sexuality.
Finally, this site aims to give you some direction. Losing your desire can be isolating, frightening, confusing. We don’t replace traditional sex therapy or coaching, but instead want to give women instant access to self-empowerment around their sexuality and help shorten the journey of any women who is looking to increase or reconnect to her desire.
The first thing we want to come straight out with is that we believe it is totally normal to not want sex– whether that’s temporary, or on a longer term basis.
Some women are asexual, demi-sexual, or just A-OK with having no or low desire- and there’s NO JUDGEMENT there from us!
We believe in women defining sexual pleasure and satisfaction on their own terms- and if that means they’re happiest not having sex that’s grand.
However, if you’re dissatisfied with your current sex drive/life and know you deserve more – we’ve got you covered.
It is also important to us to come from a FEMINIST PERSPECTIVE.
A lack of desire is often so medicalised and individualised that many women feel there’s something wrong with them if their libido vanishes.
That’s because most science around our libidos is based on an understanding of male bodies, and oppressive messaging/poor education about female sexuality has meant many women feel disconnected from their sexual power.
Over 40% of women experience a low libido during their lifetimes! We believe this is no coincidence, and that a low sex drive is more likely to happen to women because they are women.
Through this lens, women’s desire doesn’t just dip for no reason and a low sex drive doesn’t mean you are broken- in fact, it’s usually a very natural and normal response to what’s going on in their lives.
So restoring women’s sexual power involves busting myths around sex (including our actual definition of “sex”), exploring models of female desire, and teaching women the art of sexual self-empowerment.
This isn’t to say that it doesn’t happen to men because it certainly does! In this aspect we aim to be INCLUSIVE. This site is aimed at self-defined women/womxn, however we hope there is something anyone can take away. However you identify, you are welcome here.
We also know that there is so much pressure EVERYWHERE to look a certain way to be sexy. So, we promise to do our best to make this an inclusive space.
We’ll make every effort to represent all different body shapes, races, ages, abilities and much more!
We’ll try to avoid perpetuating traditional narratives of what is “sexy” (e.g. pictures of lacy lingerie) and leave it up to YOU what you find sexy.
This site will also ALWAYS have free content because we believe every woman deserves to have great sex.
And finally/most importantly, we take an EMPOWERING approach to sexuality. We believe that all women have the power to have lead a life that is pleasure filled, sexually empowered and sensually vibrant.
We recognise that some women may be seeking out a whole new relationship with her sex drive that she didn’t have before. Others might have found theirs perfectly satisfactory beforehand- they’re just going through a dry spell.
In love and solidarity,
The Desired State Team
Dinterested in sex? Low libido? Sexless marriage? Dead bedroom? Whatever you call it, losing your sex drive doesn't have to mean the end of your sex life. Learn how to forge a NEW relationship with your desire, CRAVE sex again, and feel ALIVE in bed with Desired State.
Discover the art of female sexual self-empowerment
This empowers women to connect intimately with their desires, transform their relationship with their partner, and lean in to embodied heart-fuelled and deeply satisfying sex and sensual power.