This is the essential (and mind blowing!) guide to desire we wish we’d had when we first started out looking into why we’d lost our sex drive…
#1: Don’t panic
Experiencing a dip in desire is SO common- you aren’t alone. Nearly HALF of all women have experienced low sexual desire in their lifetimes. It’s the most common sexual problem women report that they face.
But it’s odd that we frame it as a “sexual problem” because….
#2: It’s OK if you don’t want to have sex
It is totally normal to have periods where you just don’t fancy sex– whether that’s temporary, or on a longer term basis.
For some women, this is their normal- they may identify as asexual, demi-sexual and experience little to no sexual desire. This is also valid and wonderful!
Other women are A-OK with their levels of desire. The problem is that pressure to have sex comes from elsewhere…
We’re not saying that experiencing desire for sex more frequently is a good or a bad thing, or something we should all aspire to. The most important thing is that YOU are happy with the sexual experience you have– however much or little you decide to have.
However, some of us aren’t happy with the desire we’re experiencing. Perhaps we noticed a decrease in our want for sex, and we’d like to increase it. Or perhaps we’ve
#3: However- most of what you’ve been told about desire is not true!
There is a LOT of incorrect information out there about desire- including the idea that we have a ‘sex drive’, and that it can be high or low.
#4: This causes distress
Many women feel there is a certain amount of sex they should be having or a set level of desire they should feel (and that it should start before they have sex).
If their desire fades they might worry they’ll never get it back, or that they are somehow broken.
Perhaps some women are having sex they don’t really want or experiencing pressure or conflict in their relationship around their levels of desire.
A lack of desire is often so medicalised and individualised that many women feel there’s something wrong with them if their libido vanishes.
And makes women believe they have low desire… when they don’t- instead the science we’ve always been told about desire is wrong!
#5: We take a *very* different approach
We think it makes total sense that *so* many women experience fading desire in a Long Term Relationship.
You’re not broken, dysfunctional or unusual if your desire for sex wanes. In fact- it’s perfectly normal and understandable once we view it in the context of our lives!
#6: And you have the power to elevate your desire
We believe that none of us have a set or innate amount of desire that we were born with, but rather there are 6 factors that influence the level of desire you experience.
This means you have control over how much desire you feel. In fact, you can have a lot of influence over your sexual experience…
#7: If you know how…
If you want help to increase your desire, here’s how….
1. Learn about desire.
By discovering how desire *actually* works you’ll be more knowledgeable about what is closing down your interest in sex. Begin with this post about how the idea that we all have a “sex drive” is a myth.
2. Discover our signature “6 Pathways to Desire” framework
This was created using advice from experts alongside tried and tested techniques from our experience. We will walk you though the six most common barriers standing in the way of desire, each accompanied by a guide with powerful tools and actionable tips that provide a roadmap to helping you feel more sexually empowered.