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Do you *really* know what turns you on?

If you do know, you’re one step ahead of me.

I felt totally vanilla, totally idiotic, totally numb on this part.

Because, if you’d have asked me to describe my fantasy or what turns me on to you a few months ago, you’d have got nada.



Honestly, this is how I felt:


This is because as women we’re often sold a very narrow story about what sex is, and what we SHOULD want. 

So many of us have NO CLUE about what we want, what feels good, or where to begin. 

Many women are also often focused outwardly because we are socialised to nurture and care- our attention is on our children, partners, families not ourselves. So spending time getting to know ourselves and looking inwards feels foreign to us, or we just don’t have the time!

Sex might have also become about pleasing an unhappy partner rather than satisfying your own desires, so what you want and need may have played a backseat role for so long that you’re not sure what you want anymore.

This has one of the biggest impacts on desire, as if you don’t know what turns you on, sex is unlikely to be mind-blowing because it won’t be exactly what you want.

As Claudia Melli states, “A sexual appetite is built on knowing what you want” and the clue is in the name- desire is built on want, so knowing exactly WHAT you want is the most important step in a healthy sex drive. 

And you don’t know, how will your partner? So figuring out what turns you on is a fantastic place to start.

How to find out what turns you on.

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It can feel a bit overwhelming to try and pin point what does turn you on.

However- I’ve created a worksheet that can help! 

The *Ultimate Guide* (for the totally clueless) on knowing what you want in bed” is a 15 page guide that will walk you through a complete breakdown on how to find out what you want in bed.  

Think of this as your sexual anchor, it’ll keep you grounded if you ever lose yourself again.

Working this out is a lifelong but also really exciting process.

Your likes and dislikes will change across your lifetime, between partners, with partners, and in response to what’s going on in your life.

It’s a GREAT journey to go on and I hope you enjoy the process as much as the end goal, because this is what makes you YOU.

If you feel a bit more confident about what you do like, it might be useful to head on over to this post about what’s holding you back from speaking out about what you want?